The headlines ring with "opioid epidemic" as Americans accidentally overdose on prescription pills. Parents shriek how their kids are "addicted to their screens," law enforcement decries the flood of fentanyl increasing the lethality of street drugs, and teen alcohol poisoning rates continue to rise. Now, more than ever, powerlessness and despair fuel the nightmare experienced by family members with someone they love suffering with addiction or mental illness. Directing the family members of someone suffering with addiction or mental illness to "let go" or "let them hit bottom" is like telling them to stab themselves in the eye. Recovery books, even those written for family members, extol such directives, thereby causing more pain for family members enduring the powerlessness, futility, and demoralizing impossibility of loving someone trapped by substance abuse, mood, eating, thinking, or trauma-related disorder. IT STOPS WITH ME provides a model for understanding family system turmoil and a method to guide families toward serenity, sanity, and wellness for each member and the system as a whole. Creating connection, rebuilding trust, and defining a sustainable personal posture that feels right, lie at the heart of the theory and techniques shown. For the first time in many families, a happy ending seems possible; and, best of all, the outcome does not depend on the behavior, recovery effort, or mental health of any one family member. The author takes a systemic and inter-generational view, combining current knowledge of epigenetics with his deep personal experience of working with and being one of the super-sensitive people that experience addiction and inter-generational family system pathology. IT STOPS WITH ME guides readers toward understanding their system, their position in it, and describes specific steps to take to help everyone get well through the mindful pursuit of closeness and clarity following a core practice: "Open Heart, Clear Boundaries." Most books about addiction focus on the addict or the disease. If they do focus on the family, they try to either repair or "fix" the addict, or marginalize the addict ("get rid of them"), so the family can recover. IT STOPS WITH ME is different. Using Dr. Perlmutter's ground-breaking model of "Stress-Induced Impaired Coping (SIIC)" readers are shown how to do more than just take care of themselves; they'll be guided to deepen or restore relationships with everyone in the family while pursuing wellness for the system itself. More than 3000 family members have been treated employing the now-proven SIIC model. This has taken place at a handful of national level treatment centers and in Perlmutter's consulting rooms. Perlmutter invites family members to understand their biologically-derived attachment and reactivity styles in order to move toward one another, deepen empathy and understanding, and create connection -- the book's driving theme. IT STOPS WITH ME illuminates the environmental, emotional, and behavioral characteristics of these wounded family systems, often inaccurately branded as "dysfunctional." As the author illustrates, far from dysfunctional, these wounded systems function quite well to: keep their terrible secrets buried, hold members in rigid roles, suppress difficult emotions (or delegate certain members to express them) get rid of anxiety and uncertainty; and, most importantly, make tolerable the often-fraught experience of life in the family environment. Believing that one's family is not so much dysfunctional as seeking to make tolerable a chaotic, cold, or unpredictable family environment, makes it possible to move toward one another, improve self-care, support the recovery effort for all members, and choose new ways of thinking and interacting. IT STOPS WITH ME puts into words the brutal and often relentless experience of those close to someone who has required intensive treatment for addiction and mental illness. Descriptions of family members being simultaneously powerless and determined to "fix things" are vivid and relatable. As they read along they will say "Yes, that's how I feel," or "yes, that's what happens to me [when my loved one acts out]." Readers caught in the grip of family system madness, propelled by the addiction or mental illness of a loved one, will recognize themselves. IT STOPS WITH ME serves as a gentle companion for family members caught in systemic distress and provides them specific strategies with scripted examples to obtain relief and serenity, regardless of what their problematic loved ones may or may not be doing. And further, it shows how to stay in relationship with the problematic loved one, opening the door to recovery for the entire family. By examining, understanding and healing the system using the SIIC model and its specific guidelines, family members will find their authentic voice, interrupt the cycles of loss, and create the conditions under which their loved ones make a project out of their lives and their recovery. This book shows them how.

About the Author
Kenneth Perlmutter, PhD, a California-licensed clinical psychologist, brings nearly 30 years of experience working with individuals and families facing complex psychological and behavioral health disorders. He sees individuals and families in his private practice in Marin County and serves as Family Systems Psychologist for the Mind Therapy Clinic, an integrative medicine psychiatric clinic with offices in Marin County and San Francisco. In 2008 he founded The Family Recovery Institute which provides family intensives and healing workshops. In addition, he trains clinicians and treatment teams in family systems theory and treatment methods employing his proprietary model of Stress-Induced Impaired Coping. As a professional educator he has served on the graduate faculty of San Francisco State University's Counseling Department and as Associate Professor of Chemical Dependency Studies at Cal State East Bay. He has taught courses covering development across the lifespan, psychopharmacology, family systems theory, human sexuality, theory and technique of counseling, treatment planning and documentation, and supervision. Perlmutter has provided keynote presentations and breakout workshops at most of the major addiction and behavioral healthcare treatment conferences including US Journal Training, C4 Recovery Solutions, Foundations Recovery Network, Southwestern School of Behavioral Health, the Ben Franklin Institute, the Institute for Integral Studies, and the Thelma-McMillen Foundations lecture series. He provides customized talks and consultations for various treatment centers and clinics around the country by invitation. For the past two years he has had the privilege to conduct a three-day workshop for client families of the Rainbow Treatment Center on the White Mountain Apache Reservation in Northern Arizona. As of 2017, this will be held annually. Dr. Perlmutter was appointed founding Credential Chair of the International Association of Family Addiction Professionals.

Reviews
Dr. P is changing the way we think about and approach families: His is a voice we all can hear. -- Claudia Black, MFT
Kenneth gets it! The FRI processes about addictive disease and mental illness brings family members into acceptance and contact. This work addresses what really matters: restoring meaning through repaired connections and the taking of individual responsibility for self and family recovery. -- Kevin T. McCauley, MD; Co-founder, The Institute for Addiction Study; Co-Author, "Addiction: New Understanding; Fresh Hope; Real Healing"
"Kenneth Perlmutter is one of the most insightful and skilled family therapists that I have ever worked with. His ability to weave his knowledge of addiction, mental health and family systems together with sculpture dynamics, music and poetry is masterful. Families are in good hands when working with Dr. Perlmutter." -- Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, Thought Leader, Author, FounderOnsite Workshops; Co-Author of "Understanding Co-Dependency" and soon to be released,"Caregiving: Hope and Health"
Kenneth is a thought leader, trainer, psychologist and lecturer who brings heart, compassion, wisdom and a depth of information I've rarely seen. I love listening and learning with him and collaborate with him whenever I can. -- Brad Reedy, Ph.D; Owner and Clinical Director, Evoke Therapy Programs
I co-led a Family Relationship Intensive with Kenneth in the fall of 2008. His compassion fosters openness and acceptance. His expertise opens doors to deeper understanding. He gets the system concepts and helps everyone articulate and share their gifts and their needs. The collaborative team approach that he has developed means the outpatient specialists are really talking to eachother: Our clients so sorely need that to stay on track. -- Kristina Wandzilak, Executive Director, Full Circle Intervention



Book Information
ISBN 9781538121948
Author Kenneth Perlmutter
Format Hardback
Page Count 162
Imprint Rowman & Littlefield
Publisher Rowman & Littlefield
Weight(grams) 322g
Dimensions(mm) 227mm * 142mm * 18mm