'Maybe the polluters will purify our streams.
Purify our waterways? In your bloomin' dreams!
All will be rewilded, all will be renewed,
The country will look lovely,
But we won't have any food.
Our stocks will be sustainable,
The French will be our friends,
We shall live in harmony, until the bitter end.'

Hidden beyond the bluebell woods and babbling brooks, there is great unrest in our countryside. In this lyrical satire, Pam Ayres highlights the undercurrents simmering beyond the patchwork of fields. We meet the angry fishermen who can't afford to live in their own villages, the indignant farmers who get the blame for everything and the old man grieving for the unspoilt village of his youth. The animals have their say too, from the persecuted grey squirrel who didn't want to leave America anyway, the barn owl mourning his now-converted ancient barn, and the humble maligned mole, all of whom come together and demand to know: Who Are You Calling Vermin?

About the Author

Pam Ayres has been a writer, broadcaster and entertainer for over 40 years. She is the author of several bestselling poetry books, including The Works, Surgically Enhanced, You Made Me Late Again! and The Last Hedgehog. Pam's autobiography, The Necessary Aptitude, was a bestseller when it was published in 2011.


On radio she is a regular on Just A Minute, has made six series of her own Ayres On The Air and has appeared twice on the legendary Desert Island Discs.


Pam performs her solo stage show throughout the UK and lives in the Cotswolds, where she is an enthusiastic gardener for wildlife.

Book Information
ISBN 9781529149999
Author Pam Ayres
Format Hardback
Page Count 96
Imprint Ebury Spotlight
Publisher Ebury Publishing