Bringing to light new developments in the treatment of marital conflict, this second edition of How to Talk to a Narcissist addresses the ever-changing faces and phases of narcissism within the context of marital therapy. This is a practical guide that focuses on specific communication styles in addressing patients with severe narcissistic personality pathology, as well as those with borderline personality disorder.

The book starts with an overview of the different kinds of narcissists and borderlines. Dr. Lachkar analyzes these high-conflict personality disorders from a clinical, psychodynamic, and psychoanalytic perspective and delves into the various defenses that a narcissist or borderline might use. Updated treatment approaches and techniques are included along with an examination of the historical and theoretical perspectives that ground these approaches. Also included are detailed case illustrations.

This book is useful for both beginning and seasoned practitioners and is recommended for all clinicians treating individuals, couples, and groups within the scope of various narcissistic personality disorders.

About the Author

Joan Jutta Lachkar, PhD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Sherman Oaks, California; an affiliate member of the New Center for Psychoanalysis; and author of many publications, such as The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple, How to Talk to a Narcissist, and How to Talk to a Borderline. Dr. Lachkar is also a psychohistorian and has published numerous papers on marital and political conflict. Her website is www.joanlachkarphd.com.

Reviews

"Finely attuned to the myriad ways in which individuals voice their complaints in marital, cross-cultural, and corporate settings, Lachkar offers us a treasure of insight and interventions, as she delineates the communicative patterns of various personality types within a dyadic context. Lachkar also introduces original concepts like the 'V-Spot' (the point of our greatest vulnerability). Her writing is firmly anchored in theory and yet eminently accessible to readers at all levels of experience."
Salman Akhtar, MD, Thomas Jefferson University, and supervising and training analyst, Psychoanalytic Center of Philadelphia

"Lachkar offers a clear approach to engage the difficult to treat narcissistic/borderline personality couple that is informed by deep clinical and theoretical knowledge. She describes the seeming endurance of such painful relationships as the 'dance of the couple' and identifies how such relationships become frozen and limit intimacy. Through many, detailed clinical examples she demonstrates techniques for both communicating with and listening to such couples. From a broad knowledge of psychodynamic theory, culture, history and her own vast clinical experience she describes how these relationships operate. The breadth of theoretical knowledge, vivid examples, useful techniques, and cultural awareness make the book distinct and special."
J. Mark Thompson, MD, clinical professor of psychiatry, David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA

At last a scholar who moves past the psychobabble and the rival psychological (mainly psychodynamic) theories and tackles the difficult task of how to communicate with narcissists. The book is a delight to read. Though her astounding erudition is evident throughout, Lachkar never condescends or patronizes. She condenses decades of research into concise yet comprehensive chapters and opens up new vistas of understanding seamlessly. A must read and a welcome addition to the literature and an indispensable tool in the arsenal of victims of abuse meted out by narcissists and psychopaths."
Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited

"This book is an outstanding update of Dr. Lachkar's profound and sensible approach to understanding and treating narcissism in all its forms. A special chapter has been added concerning the narcissist's ability to draw others into long litigation. Her 'Courts Beware!' is a significant contribution to the literature on narcissism. This is a book that has wide appeal not only for the therapist's repertoire concerning engaging such clients and their families but also for those in sociology, social psychology and political science who are interested in political charismatic leaders. This is a book not to be missed and to be placed high on one's reading list."
Nancy Hartevelt Kobrin, counter terrorist psychoanalyst expert, author of five books, external expert at La Universidad de Granada, senior analyst at the Islamic Theology of Counter Terrorism, London, UK

"We are fortunate to have a second edition of Joan Lachkar's comprehensive book on the varieties of narcissism. She gives concise summaries of relevant theory and many rich case vignettes with guides and 'how to' suggestions for individual and couples therapists. This book should be in every therapist's library."
Peter Loewenberg, professor of psychohistory at UCLA, political psychologist with the clinical practice at UCLA, a supervisor and training analyst at the New Center for Psychoanalysis

"In this comprehensive book, Dr. Lachkar delves into the etiology of narcissism, identifying its origins and creatively expanding these into varying subtypes. This book offers a in-depth approach into the psychoanalytic underpinnings, giving both clarity and guidance for clinicians struggling to communicate with or to listen to such individuals. The chapter on narcissists in the courtroom offers a sobering and cautionary elucidation of narcissistic defenses and how their attitude play out in litigation. Written in an engaging, approachable manner, this outstanding book is a must read for those wishing to further their understanding of narcissism."
Nina Savelle-Rockin, PsyD, psychoanalyst, radio host, author of Food for Thought: Perspectives On Eating Disorders, coeditor of Beyond the Primal Addiction

In this comprehensive book on narcissistic personality organization, Dr. Lachkar delves into the etiology of narcissism identifying its origins and creatively expands these into varying subtypes. Many scholars have defined and diagnosed narcissism but very few have actually taken on the task as to "how to talk to on! Integrated into the mix are the artistic and cultural aspect of narcissists especially important in our ever changing world let alone clinical practices. At another level this book offers a more in-depth approach into the psychoanalytic underpinnings giving both clarity and guidance for clinicians struggling to communicate or even "how to listen" with such individuals. The chapter on narcissists in the courtroom offers a sobering and cautionary elucidation of narcissistic defenses and how their attitude play out in litigation. Finally she then provides an expansive and thought-provoking section on cultural psychodynamics, shedding new insights on the treatment of cross-cultural couples. Written in an engaging, approachable manner, this outstanding book is a must-read for those wishing to further their understanding of narcissism. - Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin

At last a scholar who moves past the psychobabble and the rival
psychological (mainly psychodynamic) theories and tackles the difficult task
of how to communicate with narcissists (those diagnosed with the pernicious
and all-pervasive Narcissistic Personality Disorder - NPD). The disorder
itself has been dissected to smithereens in numerous hefty tomes (including
mine: "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited, first published in 1999).
To the author's credit, starting with her seminal studies of
narcissistic-borderline couples, she has always set her sights on the
victims: their needs, fears, and welfare.

Her latest work is no exception. Following a lucid exposition of NPD,
Lachkar proceeds to deal with eight types of narcissists. She describes
their pathology in relevant details, their v-spots (a construct she
proposes, intended to capture emotional vulnerabilities, often induced by
childhood abuse), their communication styles, and their reactions to various
stimuli.

She then proceeds to pose the all-important question of: who bonds with each
and every subtype of narcissist and why? Case studies and discussions
support her arguments and her proposed remedies (a communication and
behavior modification modality she calls "empathology").

But Lachkar's insights and methodology are not confined to the marital
scene. "How To Talk to a Narcissist" is among the few books to deal with the
narcissistic artist and to wrestle with the delicate topic of the narcissism
of collectives, cultures, societies, and historical processes.

The book is a delight to read. Though her astounding erudition is evident
throughout, Lachkar never condescends or patronizes. She condenses decades
of research into concise yet comprehensive chapters and opens up new vistas
of understanding seamlessly. A must read and a welcome addition to the
literature and an indispensable tool in the arsenal of victims of abuse
meted out by narcissists and psychopaths. Highly and unreservedly -Sam Vaknin author of "Malignant Self-love"

We are fortunate to have a second edition of Joan Lachkar's comprehensive book on the varieties of narcissism. She gives concise summaries of relevant theory and many rich case vignettes with guides and "how to" suggestions for individual and couples therapists. This book should be in every therapist's library. - Peter Loewenberg, Professor of Psychohisotry at UCLA, supervisor and training analyst The New Center for Psychoanalysis.

This book is an outstanding update of Dr. Lachkar's profound and sensible approach to understanding and treating narcissism in all its forms. A special chapter has been added concerning the narcissist's ability to draw others into long litigation. Her "Courts Beware!" is a significant contribution to the literature on narcissism. This is a book that has wide appeal not only for the therapist's repertoire concerning engaging such clients and their families but also for those in sociology, social psychology and political science who are interested in political charismatic leaders. This is a book not to be missed and to be placed high on one's reading list! - Dr. Nancy Hartevelt Kobrin is a counter terrorist psychoanalyst expert specializing in early childhood development of the jihadis, author of five books holding the academic appointment of external expert at La Universidad de Granada as well as senior analyst at the Islamic Theology of Counter Terrorism, London, UK.

Book Information
ISBN 9780815382065
Author Joan Jutta Lachkar
Format Paperback
Page Count 134
Imprint Routledge
Publisher Taylor & Francis Inc
Weight(grams) 216g